“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
I felt I couldn’t survive that Friday when we learned that Jon had taken his own life. Four years later, I see how God has comforted, carried, and had compassion on my family and helped us get to this point.
Does my heart still break? Do I still feel the deep, bottomless ache that takes my breath away like a sharp knife to the soul? Do I still long for the sight, sound, and presence of my youngest son? Yes.
Do I survive on the Grace of God, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and the comfort Jesus Christ gives me? Yes.
Do tears still come? Yes.
Do I still believe I will see him again in heaven? Yes.
Do pictures of him help? Sometimes.
Do video clips of him help? Sometimes
Does talking about him with those who love and miss him, too, help? Sometimes.
When I dream of Jon, he is always doing well. He is smiling or surprised or joyful, or with a look of contentment on his face. I can picture every dream of him I have had in my mind and experience it again when I need to.
Prayer helps. Meditation on God’s word helps. Resting my burdens and brokenness in the arms of Jesus helps. Being busy doing something constructive helps. Helping others helps. The prayers, love, and support others offer helps. Cards, texts, emails, calls help because they show that someone cares, and represent the fact that Jon is still remembered. Being together with my family helps. Going outside where I can breathe and feel the limitless of the sky helps.
Am I alone in facing the death of someone? No. Am I alone in surviving the loss of a loved one to suicide. No. Am I alone as a mother losing a loved, precious son. No.
When I was young and faced the death of my first husband in a car accident, I survived. God taught me many spiritual lessons. He carried me and led me and I developed faith and a real experience with Him through His grace and nothing of me; all of Him.
Because I know Him, I can trust Him yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
If you are considering suicide, get help. Suicide is never the right answer. You can survive and come out on the other side of whatever is tempting you to step out of life. Stay. Let others help you. Let God reveal His truth to you that will make you free. Don’t fall for the lie that everything will be over.
Grief comes like tidal waves at times. I have to brace myself on the foundation of my life, God, and let the sands of guilt, sadness, and depression sift away. I have to lean into the force of the wave of pain, and let it come, and then let it wash away.
May God comfort you in whatever has broken your heart. May you feel the sweet relief of God’s touch on your sorrow. May you find strength and courage to stand.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” II Corinthians 1:3-4.
With hope that I can be a comfort to some, as others have been a comfort to me.
